《与焦虑、敏感和低落的孩子工作》第一章 1.3
Imagine yourself stepping onto a bridge as you fall asleep, and having an opportunity to relate to your child’s angel at the bridge’s far end. Then picture a watchman posted there whom you have to justify your crossing to. What do you suppose he would ask you?
想象你自己睡眠时踏上了一座桥，你有机会走到桥的那头和孩子的天使相遇。然后想象你会遇到一位守桥人，他会决定能否让你通过这座桥。你觉得他会问你什么问题？
His first question would be, “Are you bringing a clearly thought-out problem that concerns you deeply for the child’s sake rather than a problem of your own?” His second question, one that may surprise you, would be, “Have you formed a really clear image of the child?”
他的第一个问题可能是：“你是否带着一个深思熟虑的问题？这个问题是出自你对孩子的深切关怀而非你自己的问题。”他的第二个问题或许会让你惊喜：“你有没有形成一个孩子的真实清晰的图景？”
What does a really clear image mean? Under what conditions does that clear image form itself as one falls asleep? It happens gently as the result of having taken the trouble to observe the child keenly and lovingly at least once a day and to do so, as Rudolf Steiner put it, “with reverence for the child.”
一个真实清晰的图景意味着什么？在何种情况下，当你进入睡眠时会形成这样一个清晰图景？它的生成需要你能够在一天中至少一次非常敏锐和充满爱意去观察儿童，正如鲁道夫·施泰纳所说：“怀着对孩子的崇敬之情。”
One aspect of loving is the ongoing practice of overcoming one’s own habitual judgments, desires, expectations, and concepts, pushing them out of the way and giving oneself instead to listening and observing in what might be called an ever-marveling attentiveness to the phenomenon of the child’s image in the here and now, every least detail of which deserves your whole- hearted and nonjudgmental interest. At moments like these, such a reaction as, for example, annoyance that the child walks without lifting his feet properly, is completely out of place. You note instead that is his own particular way of walking. When you begin to feel a kind of tenderness awakening in you for the child’s very faults and weaknesses, for all the things that ordinarily lead to strife and anger, you will know that you are on the right path.
这种爱的一方面体现在进行持续的练习：去克服自己固有的评判，渴望，期待和概念，将这些都放到一边，取而代之的是在每一个当下都去聆听和观察（即诚心正意）有关孩子的图景和现象，每一个不起眼的小细节也需要你全情且没有评判的兴趣去投入其中。在这样的情况下，打个比方，那种因为孩子走路不能好好抬脚而引起的厌烦羞恼便不翼而飞。你只会注意到他这种特别的行走方式。当孩子犯错或是不尽如人意时（过去这些通常会引起冲突和愤怒），你能感受到你的内在有一种温柔的关切在苏醒，这就说明我们在正确的解决之道上了。
These are the two questions asked by our imaginary bridge watcher that we parents need to prepare ourselves to be able to say “yes” to. You can do this in the following way: abstaining as far as possible from hand wringing or resentment at your lack of ability, busying yourself with unflagging efforts to understand your child’s particular set of problems. Regard as less important the annoyance felt by you or reported by neigh- bors, or the child’s teachers, concentrating instead on its self- caused miseries (for you know there is a big difference between the things we would like a child to get over because he is hurt- ing himself and those that make us nervous or violate our prin- ciples). You can and will reach a point where you sense that you understand your child’s trouble, not perhaps in every detail and final consequence, but you become aware that you have reached as far as cognition can go, the tip of the problem.
那两个由想象中的守桥人提出的问题，都需要我们父母认真准备自己从而能够回答“是的”。你可能通过下面的方式来做到这一点：尽可能的把那种对自己无能为力的怨恨或无奈抛之脑后，让自己坚持不懈去努力理解孩子这些问题的特殊之处。不要把重点放在自己因为邻居、老师给你反映情况而产生的厌烦羞恼上，要把重点聚焦在这些问题本身会引起的痛苦上。（你肯定知道这两者的显著不同，一个是希望孩子自己能够免受伤害，一个则因为我们自己觉得不舒服或违背了我们的原则）你能够也一定会达到这样一种情况：你深刻的理解你孩子的困扰所在，不仅包括每一个细节和最终结果，而且你能意识到你变得更有觉知，走的更远，更了解问题的关键所在。
Let us take an example: You will see that on some days your child behaves as though he literally wants to jump out of his skin. Now there is a difference between regarding this as pure impudence, feeling oneself personally attacked and realizing in observant objectivity that at such times the child cannot manage his body properly and feels himself strangled and physically cooped up. You note his pale face and spotty skin and the way he moves, fighting restriction, probably complaining, too, about stupid tight clothing, though the clothes may not actually be tight.
让我们举个例子：你可能有时会觉得自己孩子好像要从自己的皮里面跳出来似的。我们可以用两种不同的方式来看待：一是将其视作单纯的鲁莽冒失，感觉自己受到了冒犯；或者当我们意识到用客观方式去看在那种情况下，孩子不能适当的控制他的肢体，而是感觉他自己被身体束缚或禁闭了。你可以注意到他面色苍白，皮肤有疹子，还有他的移动方式，或许是一种和限制或约束的对抗与抱怨，好像觉得衣服太紧了，虽然事实上衣服并不紧。
This provides you with an image: you see that the soul experiences itself in its body just like being in frightfully uncomfortable clothing, jammed in, as though itching unbearably from contact with some material or other. Can children be expected to behave nicely and pleasantly on such occasions?
这就给你提供了一个图景：孩子的心魂在物质身体中的感受就像是穿了一件很不合适的衣服，非常的紧，好像非常痒。孩子又怎么能在这样的情况下表现良好呢？
You see that when you are prompted by observations of this kind to pay more attention to nutritional matters and to seek professional advice (for it is natural to think that today’s children may be eating things that could set up internal irritation in them), it is not a question of your personal preferences, dislikes or principles influencing you to reduce the intake of sweets or animal protein; you are making your decision solely on the basis of protecting the child from harming himself. You are not asking out of annoyance at having such an independent, difficult child to bring up; you are asking, with full acceptance of the degree of patience needed by the child for his personal development, whether, when he’s having to behave badly when he really wants to be pleasant, this is only because his own body is his constant enemy, and he therefore needs your help. That is the first item.
通过这样的观察，你会对有营养的事物更加关注，从而去寻求专业的建议（因为可以非常自然的联想到现今的孩子可能吃了一些会刺激内在的事物）。根据你自己的喜好、厌恶或原则而让你减少糖分或动物蛋白的摄入并不是一个问题。你只能在保护自己的孩子不受伤害的基础上来作出决定。我们并没有要求你在养育一个独立、挑战的孩子过程中没有任何苦恼厌烦；只是让你带着对孩子个体发展过程中所必须的耐心全然接纳，无论是孩子表现好还是表现不好。因为孩子每时每刻都在和自己的身体作斗争，所以他需要你的帮助。这是首要的事情。
职工小张的女儿每次遇到重要考试
都会出现这样或那样的状况：
头疼、没睡好、带错了笔……
小张实在不明白
为什么每次孩子都会出状况
考不出真实水平
这到底是怎么回事？
北京市总工会职工服务中心心理咨询师：
孩子一考试就出状况，一两次还可以说是巧合，次次如此，也许的确存在较深层的心理因素——自我阻碍，也就是自己给自己捣乱。几乎人人都希望自己变得更优秀、更成功，为什么还会有人阻碍自己进步呢？心理学家认为，自我阻碍是个体采取行动将失败原因外化，以回避或降低不佳表现带来的负面影响。
孩子有可能难以面对或者惧怕承受考砸了的结果，所以干脆在潜意识中先制造外因来阻挠自己的考试。如此一来，考不好就不是自己水平不够，而是有这样或者那样的外因导致了考试不顺利，保护了自己的自尊心。再深究这种自我阻挠背后的原因，往往都出自于过高的社会期待，这种过高的期待可能来自于自己的父母。
专家建议：
首先，要教会孩子接受“失败”。让孩子知道人生中必然出现“失败”，但要将大大小小的失败看作是一种反馈，而非是对自我价值的评判或者宣告。
其次，要教会孩子从“失败”中学习。如果细看许多成功者的经历，他们都体验过无数的失败，并将失败当作是宝贵的财富。创立了特斯拉的马斯克就说过：“失败是可怕的，但如果毫无失败的风险，就意味着你在做一件稀松平常的事情。”
另外，还需要降低“失败”的频率。在制定学习目标的时候，最好是孩子跳一跳就能够到的那种，能够驱动孩子去实现目标，即使没有达到目标，也不会被巨大的差距挫败信心。
作为一名职场人
您是否遇到过这种情况：
一到周一就焦虑
心情像《忐忑》一样跌宕起伏
没错！
“周一不想上班”是你我的通病
有调查显示，约80%的职场人士对即将到来的周一心生恐惧或厌烦，就是俗称的“周一焦虑症”。
由对周一的逃避甚至恐惧心理，延伸到996、007、内卷、职场PUA、35岁现象……凡此种种，冲击着现代人的心理防线，导致紧张、担忧，甚至情绪低落、悲伤恐惧。
用一个词来概括，就是“蕉绿”了。
在哪些时间节点，职场人士的焦虑更为突出呢？
职场人士，尤其是女性，在周一，长假后1～3天，节假日补班、连续加班日，入职初期，工作任务繁重期，职务变动期，孕产期、哺乳期及更年期，职场焦虑现象会更为突出。所以，我们要关注到这些节点，提前做好准备，有针对性地采取应对措施。
职场焦虑应对小贴士
1.运动是降低焦虑和促进睡眠的最好手段之一。
2.舒缓的音乐可以平复心境，配合香薰、温泉等效果更佳。
3.避免使用咖啡因，少饮用咖啡、茶、可乐类饮料。
4.腹式呼吸，正念减压。类似于禅修冥想，静坐，集中精力只想一件事。比如把注意力集中在呼吸上，每天3次，一次15～30分钟。
推荐一种快速放松法
1.紧张腿部：绷直大腿使所有的肌肉同时紧张。
2.紧张手臂：紧紧握住一个固定的杆子或者扶手。
3.释放紧张：呼气且缓慢地说“放——松——”，闭上眼睛使肌肉随之放松。可以反复多做几次。
给你的心理健康建议
认知治疗
强调对不合理认知的调整，比如“灾难化”的认知，认为只要得罪了一次领导，就再也不能被他认可，永无出头之日；比如“非黑即白”的认知，认为某人做事太差，没有任何优点，永远也不和他共事等。改变了认知，情绪和行为才有可能随之改变。
自我接纳
接纳自己或事物的不完美，留意自我感受。如果此刻你是焦虑、暴躁、充满疑虑的，承认这种感受，对自己宽容、和善一些。当你接纳了原本的自己和感觉后，便可以自然放松，这样你就不会被负面情绪纠缠。
自我监测
很多时候，焦虑障碍会让人感觉失去对自我的控制感。与其这样，倒不如每天记录焦虑发作的时间、持续时间、症状表现及严重程度，达到自我认知、自我鼓励、自我控制的效果。
积极求助
寻找精神科医生、心理治疗师或咨询师，请他们给你专业的建议，帮助你早点摆脱焦虑症状的困扰。
此外如果您在工作和生活中
遇到心理困扰还可以拨打
北京市总工会
7×24小时免费职工心理咨询热线
4000151123
4000251123
来源：劳动者周末、劳动午报、健康中国
编辑：宋晓光
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